For all of those parents with small children, I would like to begin this post with a warning that the story below is about Santa and may upset small children.
Most people know that Rai loves to talk. Yes, he can be shy at times, especially on the phone, but if you are around him for more than 10 minutes, you've probably heard him breathe maybe twice. I can't imagine where he learned it. :-)
Regardless, Rai said Monday he got to pick the song his class sings as they wash their hands, and he chose "Jingle Bells." I took this as a sign that he's just as ready for the season of holiday carols as his mom, so I created a "Children's Christmas Carols" station on Pandora for the car ride to and from school. Everything was going well ... until yesterday. "Here Comes Santa Clause" came on the radio station, and Rai was clearly trying to talk, not sing along. I turned down the radio, and he said "Mommy, Santa Clause isn't real. He's dead ... like Iron Man."
I almost had to pull over I was so confused. "What?" I said. "Santa Clause isn't real, he's DEAD ... like Iron Man." From my rear view window I could see Rai was smiling. I wasn't sure which was more shocking: the fact that my nearly 4-year-old thought Santa Clause was at one point alive and is now dead OR that he seemed to be perfectly happy about it. Finally, Rai explained that Santa Clause is dead, like the dinosaurs. FINALLY, I understood his thought process.
Back in August, Tony and I took Rai to a museum for a special exhibit of Chinese dinosaurs. To help engage the children, the museum exhibit had robot dinosaurs next to the skeletons. Despite being obsessed with dinosaurs and learning names I can hardly pronounce, Rai was terrified and nearly ran through the exhibit to get out of the museum. I tried to explain to Rai that the dinosaur robots weren't real because there aren't any dinosaurs. They died a long time ago. Tony, my creative hero, managed to convince Rai to pretend to use his Iron Man powers to kill the robots. Rai and Tony went through the exhibit again holding out their hands to shoot ...whatever Iron Man shoots out of his hand ... at the robot dinosaurs.
So, Rai apparently thought that both Iron Man and Santa Clause were real at some time, like the dinosaurs, but we keep images of them that aren't real. I have to say, I'm impressed! To make things more amusing, I asked Rai why he thought Iron Man was real. "We saw the man in the movie. That man is real." (Ahh, good 'ole Robert Downey, jr. Rai saw the non-scary parts of Iron Man a few months ago.) I finally explained what an actor is and told him the lady from one of his favorite movies, Mary Poppins, is in many movies and pretends to be many people. After a few minutes, he said "I want to be an actor, so I can pretend to be Iron Man."
So, my not-so-little almost-4-year-old amazes me everyday with the things he understands and the ways he puts ideas together. I love being a mom and wish Rai's other mothers (Omma and Birth Mommy) could be there to share in these moments. In the meantime, I hope they read this post and have almost as hard a laugh as I did yesterday.
Note about Santa:
For any parents that think it's a shame Rai knows Santa isn't real (and isn't dead either), I want to share this quick story. Last year, Rai wanted a toy kitchen for Christmas. He told me. He told my parents. He told the teachers at school. He told his friends. He told Santa Clause at the mall. I thought it was a great way to let Rai play as I cooked dinner, something Rai and I struggled with since I became a single mom. One night, Rai and I had a heart-to-heart conversation about him being sad that he didn't have anyone to play with while I cooked. I reminded him that he would probably get a kitchen for Christmas. "No, Santa Clause won't bring it unless I'm really, really good." Ugh. He's such a good boy. Rai has never thrown a fit at a toy or grocery store. He hardly ever gets in trouble at school, and when he does, it's usually an issue he needed to talk through. He says "Please" and "Thank you" without being prompted first and gives hugs to kids who fall on the playground. I broke my heart to see him trying so hard to be good so he could learn how our new life together wouldn't be as boring during while I cooked dinner and cleaned up afterwards. So, I told him the truth ... Santa isn't real. Mommies and daddies (and sometimes Grammalyns, Great Pattys, and Obaachans) give kids an extra surprise on Christmas mornings. I told him that I knew he would get a kitchen, but in the meantime, he could have some of my kitchen tools (small spatulas and bowls) to play with until Christmas. I wasn't sure if I had just made the biggest mistake of my motherhood ... until Rai smiled. I made him promise he wouldn't tell the other kids since "they might get sad". Rai thought it was a big boy secret and kept his promise. That night, after I kissed him good-night, Rai said "Mommy, you're the best Santa Clause." I almost cried.
Being a single mom was a decision I made. It wasn't a popular decision, but I know in my heart it was the best decision. That being said, it wasn't an easy transition. That night, Rai made me realize how lucky I was. My little guy was excited about keeping his big boy secret and appreciative of his upcoming gift. I may have taken the "magic out of Christmas", but that night, it seemed like Rai and I finally knew things would be okay. And things have been more than okay. Rai is still the sweet boy he was last year, and we both still get excited about the holidays. I even have the tree up ... not decorated yet ... but up. We listen to holiday carols and talk about all the people coming over. Rai even uses the air quotes when he says he'll ask "Santa Clause" for something.
It's now a secret he and I share.
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